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kalima
08-10-2005, 02:53 PM
just joined this forum. Hello... Blue Angel, I ran across a post of yours where you spoke of knowing something about the MKULTRA project. i have reasons to believe that I was involved with it also. Would like to talk with you about it. Thanks...This looks like a good place...peace, Kalima

08-10-2005, 04:22 PM
Do you think that you were INVOLVED or a VICTIM???

kalima
08-10-2005, 05:59 PM
Whoa! I assumed you'd know I meant as a victim... My father was in the military, in the mid to late 50's, on a NATO base in France. I've been in therapy for a long time and memories are starting to surface. i've been doing quite a bit of research on various mind control projects that were going on, at that time. I found your post and was interested in hearing more about your experience, if you feel comfortable talking about any of it. Thanks. Peace...Kalima

08-10-2005, 08:14 PM
To make a long story short, I carried around a handful of memories all of my life that lead me to believe I had been sexually abused by family members. Due to the trauma of the abuse, these memories were stuck in my brain and had no beginning and no end. Just fragmented pieces of the gigantic jigsaw puzzle which I am still piecing together as I write.

For four plus decades, I was bothered by the fact that I could not remember my childhood and teenage years. I knew it wasn't due to the normal fading of memories over time. I knew I had amnesia, but I had no clue that it was induced by the perpetrators.

There was always a feeling inside that something was amiss, but I had no idea as to what I would begin to discover several years ago.

Shortly, after 911, I became very depressed and began receiving "suicide commands."

These commands frightened me immensely as there was NO REASON for me to want to kill myself.

I was fighting another ALTER inside who was trying with all of her force to make me suicide.

I survived and was "thrust" into what I can only describe as a nightmare. Reliving the past I so desperately wanted to remember.

How inconceivable it is for one to believe that they were a victim of a mind control program without knowing and for others to believe them as well.

Science-fiction would be the only way to describe my life and the life of all other victims of these programs. Because, certainly, science was involved and what we speak as to the atrocities inflicted upon us are "cast" away by many as fiction.

I sought professional help from my family doctor, a therapist and began to uncover the involvement of the CIA in my life when I was a child.

I discovered etchings on my body and a "butterfly" on my left hand. I noticed what appear to be razor marks on my right wrist.

So, one would have to say that I awoke to discover myself for the very first time.

What type of memories are you having that would lead you to believe you were a victim of MKULTRA?

kalima
08-10-2005, 10:14 PM
Where to start? there's so much to say...Thank you for all that you shared with me. As I said, I am a multiple. Was dx'd with borderline personality disorder initially, because of a lot of SI issues. Amnesia for the first ten years of life. Have had many memories/dreams of experiments and abductions. Went through the whole alien scenario. Have recently had a 'vision'/memory at a gathering that was so strong, of being in a room, and being experimented on. It was as if what was around me, was suddenly replaced by something that had happened to me before. Since then, much has been falling into place, including an incident that occurred in therapy when a memory tried to surface and I was 'hypnotized' into not speaking. We have an alter called Sleeper who keeps memories from us, but this was so much stronger. As if something had been 'activated' to make us not talk. You had to be inside our mind to know what it felt like.
The fact is that there's not much info on experiments carried out on children of parents in the military. I've contacted Carol Rutz who has reported on what was done to her as a child.
I related to a lot of what you said in your post, including the part about suicide. With me, it's related to the fact that I don't feel like I'm even here. More like a collection of parts. I Lived on communes in the 60's. Worked with war resisters in Canada during the Vietnam era. Ran a Vietnam Vets against the War office, in the state of Washington. Worked as a prostitute. Sang in nightclubs all over the country. Lived all over this country and in Europe.I've been everywhere---even sang at the Bohemian Grove... But I've got huge gaps in my memory...huge chunks of time...I'm not able to piece things together. It's like I don't know who they happened to. Could be I'm a multiple. End of story. But I feel like at this point, maybe I'm finally going back to where it started.
Thanks for talking with me...peace, Kalima

08-11-2005, 08:20 AM
Well if you sang at Bohemia Grove, that should be a "red flag."

They don't just let anyone in there!!

Hope you do well in your recovery!

Best of Luck!!

kalima
08-11-2005, 09:25 AM
yeah, the fact is that everything that happened was just convoluted enough to be some sort of weird coincidence, ya know?...even that..plus, not remembering...Got some good feedback from Carol Rutz who looked at some of our artwork and related to it. Thanks for the feedback. Much appreciated. Be well. Peace, Kalima

ihavethefear
08-11-2005, 10:36 AM
Read Behold A Pale Horse by William Cooper. A great read in all areas, of disinformation. It features info on MKULTRA.

08-11-2005, 05:39 PM
kalima wrote:
yeah, the fact is that everything that happened was just convoluted enough to be some sort of weird coincidence, ya know?...even that..plus, not remembering...Got some good feedback from Carol Rutz who looked at some of our artwork and related to it. Thanks for the feedback. Much appreciated. Be well. Peace, Kalima


Yeah, it can be a convoluted mess!! It's called scrambling the brain. They do it daily to the masses with disinformation, too much information, not enough information, lies, deceit, etc., etc., etc.

Scrambled brains, anyone???

08-11-2005, 06:36 PM
Kalima,

What about your family members? Have you spoken to them about what you are experiencing?

About coincidences. If I understand what you are saying, I can relate to that.

There may be something more involved.

kalima
08-12-2005, 12:02 PM
I hear you on MASS dIS-INfORMaTION and ScRAmbLED bRAinS!!!

The father is dead and the mother is so dissociative, she has only about 4 stock memories that she keeps repeating over and over again. The brother is 4 years younger, and he only remembers the father being abusive.
Being a MuLTIplE is LiVING with ScRAmBlEd bRAinS!...and i suppose it's to THEIR advantage to have us BE that way. But I've started keeping a chart of facts I'm recalling and piecing together. That's being very helpful....even though looking at it is being rather mind-boggling.
Behold a Pale Horse...will look into it. Thanks.
Peace, Kalima

08-12-2005, 06:47 PM
Hang in there, Kalima!!

One day the men and women who are responsible for these atrocities will pay the price for their crimes upon humanity!!

Keep your CORE front and center and don't let all the BULLSHIT frustrate you.

You may never piece it all together.

That is what angers me the most about their atrocities upon my soul.

The deliberate amnesia and the fact that they tired to steal my heart, mind and courage.

But, I've decided that I will direct my anger at them where it belongs.

kalima
08-14-2005, 11:49 AM
Thanks for those words.
Re. the "core" being up-front. That's when we know 'who's out'. It's been a long struggle, in healing. A lot of work done . Much research---inner and outer.

re. anger. Got a WhOLE lot of ThAT!!!!! For a long time, it's been directed at the self. Convenient for them, isn't it? That plus all the drugs they try to give us to turn us into a zombie. I don't take those.
Oh, and did you hear the latest? An article the other day---lobotomies are making a comeback. Interesting timing, woulnt' you say? Of course, since I'm already dx'd with a "mental illness", they can always say I'm 'paranoid delusional', when I start talking about AnYtHING!!!!!

Yeah, i've got a LOtS of DiRECtED anGER!! That's for SuRE!!!! KALIMA

08-14-2005, 05:56 PM
Well, anytime forced "trauma" is implemented on a "soul," and the brain fragments, it is certain that some kind of psychological "illness" will be present.

However, if you are a victim of MKULTRA, any illness that you suffer is a direct result of their abuse.

Yes, they can say you are delusional, paranoid, schizophrenic, etc., because this is what our society has been conditioned to believe about THOSE OF US who have recovered memories of abuse at the hands of our government (CIA), unwittingly and unwillingly.

Mention the CIA's involvement in your past and the "red flag" goes up for most people.

I'm certain when I was young and spoke about their crimes upon my mind, body and soul, I was labeled as "crazy, schizophrenic, etc.

They are capable of creating a "paranoid schizophrenic" inside their "mind control" victims in order that this personality surfaces when speaking about being incarcerated and abused by the government of the United States of America.

Men who violated the rights of thousands upon thousands of citizens through experimentation, sex slavery, using them as drug mules, carrier pigeons and in various other covert operations. Testing drugs, torture techniques, breaking points, truth serums, etc.

The list goes on and on!!

Finding what worked on US, the victims, helped them to acheive "mind control" on the masses.

I feel that with SO many people speaking out about satanic ritual abuse and those who have recovered memories of being tortured in "mind control" programs unwittingly by the government of the United States of America, the labels we have been branded with when going public will soon turn away from us and against them.

In numbers we will prevail.

We are safer now because there is a force behind us. There are many who believe what we speak!!

We are not alone!!

GOD knows of their wrongs!!

BlueAngel
02-18-2009, 10:17 PM
I hope you're doing well, Kalima!