rushdoony
10-10-2005, 12:42 PM
1.An aviator was carrying his clothes home from the cleaners when it began to rain. How didst he protect them?
He put them inside the hangers
2.Did you hear about the kid who wanted to sell his dog for $50,000? (Joker) He got his price, traded it for 2 $25,000 cats but you can't make a deal like that for the Maharaja because we've got enough cat's already
3. Has Anybody seen my friend Kirsch? Kirsch Who? Gesundheit (joke)
4. How do you divide seventeen apples among sixteen people? Make applesauce
5.How do you stop a dog from barking in July? Shoot him in June
6. How many sides has a circle? Two, inside and outside
7. How much dirt is in a hole 3 acres square and 200 feet deep? None, because it's a hole
8. Mr. Van Jones, why are you like a clock at midnight? Because both of your hands are going straight up, right now
9.The more you take away, the larger it grows. What is it? A hole
10.There are three men in a boat with four cigarettes but no matches. How do they manage to smoke? They throw one cigarette overboard and made the boat a cigarette lighter
11.What are more mink skins used for than anything else? (Joker) to hold minks together
12. What eats crow, yells uncle, and tosses sponges? a loser
13.What has neither flesh, bone, nor nail yet has 4 fingers and a thumb? A Glove
14. What has yellow skin and writes? A ballpoint banana
15. What is it that no man wants to have but no man wants to lose? A lawsuit
16.What is the beginning of eternity, the end of time and space, the beginning of every end and the end of every race? The Letter E (no answer given on show)
17.What kind of machine has ears? A train, it has engineers
18. What letter is ne'er received in the alphabet? The letter you put in the mailbox
19. What people are always in a hurry? Russians
20. What squeals louder than a caught rat? (Batman) Several caught rats
21.Why does a cowboy wear a tight belt? To hold up his pants
22.What's looser that a thread, a fish, flying ribbons? A woman's tongue
23.What's most alluring when it's lowest or highest; when it's in the air or in a hole; when it's served you yet you can't touch it? an enchanting ace
24.When does a painter use a trigger instead of a brush? when he's a stickup artist
25. When is a Jet Stream like a Daffodil? (unanswered)
26. When is a floor like a puzzle? (the floor under the duo breaks apart)
27.When is a man a stupid relative? When he's a mannequin (a dummy)
28. When is a man drowned, but still not wet? When he's trapped in quicksand
29.When is a person like a piece of wood? When he's a ruler
30.When is a prizefight like a beautiful lady? when it's a knockout
31.When is the time of a clock like the whistle of a train? When it's two to two
32. When's a donkey spelled with one letter? (Robin) When it's "U" (you )
33.Which president wears the largest hat? The one with the biggest head.
34.What weighs six ounces, sits in a tree, and is very dangerous? A sparrow with a machine gun
He put them inside the hangers
2.Did you hear about the kid who wanted to sell his dog for $50,000? (Joker) He got his price, traded it for 2 $25,000 cats but you can't make a deal like that for the Maharaja because we've got enough cat's already
3. Has Anybody seen my friend Kirsch? Kirsch Who? Gesundheit (joke)
4. How do you divide seventeen apples among sixteen people? Make applesauce
5.How do you stop a dog from barking in July? Shoot him in June
6. How many sides has a circle? Two, inside and outside
7. How much dirt is in a hole 3 acres square and 200 feet deep? None, because it's a hole
8. Mr. Van Jones, why are you like a clock at midnight? Because both of your hands are going straight up, right now
9.The more you take away, the larger it grows. What is it? A hole
10.There are three men in a boat with four cigarettes but no matches. How do they manage to smoke? They throw one cigarette overboard and made the boat a cigarette lighter
11.What are more mink skins used for than anything else? (Joker) to hold minks together
12. What eats crow, yells uncle, and tosses sponges? a loser
13.What has neither flesh, bone, nor nail yet has 4 fingers and a thumb? A Glove
14. What has yellow skin and writes? A ballpoint banana
15. What is it that no man wants to have but no man wants to lose? A lawsuit
16.What is the beginning of eternity, the end of time and space, the beginning of every end and the end of every race? The Letter E (no answer given on show)
17.What kind of machine has ears? A train, it has engineers
18. What letter is ne'er received in the alphabet? The letter you put in the mailbox
19. What people are always in a hurry? Russians
20. What squeals louder than a caught rat? (Batman) Several caught rats
21.Why does a cowboy wear a tight belt? To hold up his pants
22.What's looser that a thread, a fish, flying ribbons? A woman's tongue
23.What's most alluring when it's lowest or highest; when it's in the air or in a hole; when it's served you yet you can't touch it? an enchanting ace
24.When does a painter use a trigger instead of a brush? when he's a stickup artist
25. When is a Jet Stream like a Daffodil? (unanswered)
26. When is a floor like a puzzle? (the floor under the duo breaks apart)
27.When is a man a stupid relative? When he's a mannequin (a dummy)
28. When is a man drowned, but still not wet? When he's trapped in quicksand
29.When is a person like a piece of wood? When he's a ruler
30.When is a prizefight like a beautiful lady? when it's a knockout
31.When is the time of a clock like the whistle of a train? When it's two to two
32. When's a donkey spelled with one letter? (Robin) When it's "U" (you )
33.Which president wears the largest hat? The one with the biggest head.
34.What weighs six ounces, sits in a tree, and is very dangerous? A sparrow with a machine gun