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rushdoony
10-10-2005, 01:42 PM
1.An aviator was carrying his clothes home from the cleaners when it began to rain. How didst he protect them?

He put them inside the hangers

2.Did you hear about the kid who wanted to sell his dog for $50,000? (Joker) He got his price, traded it for 2 $25,000 cats but you can't make a deal like that for the Maharaja because we've got enough cat's already


3. Has Anybody seen my friend Kirsch? Kirsch Who? Gesundheit (joke)

4. How do you divide seventeen apples among sixteen people? Make applesauce

5.How do you stop a dog from barking in July? Shoot him in June

6. How many sides has a circle? Two, inside and outside

7. How much dirt is in a hole 3 acres square and 200 feet deep? None, because it's a hole

8. Mr. Van Jones, why are you like a clock at midnight? Because both of your hands are going straight up, right now

9.The more you take away, the larger it grows. What is it? A hole

10.There are three men in a boat with four cigarettes but no matches. How do they manage to smoke? They throw one cigarette overboard and made the boat a cigarette lighter

11.What are more mink skins used for than anything else? (Joker) to hold minks together

12. What eats crow, yells uncle, and tosses sponges? a loser

13.What has neither flesh, bone, nor nail yet has 4 fingers and a thumb? A Glove

14. What has yellow skin and writes? A ballpoint banana

15. What is it that no man wants to have but no man wants to lose? A lawsuit

16.What is the beginning of eternity, the end of time and space, the beginning of every end and the end of every race? The Letter E (no answer given on show)

17.What kind of machine has ears? A train, it has engineers

18. What letter is ne'er received in the alphabet? The letter you put in the mailbox

19. What people are always in a hurry? Russians

20. What squeals louder than a caught rat? (Batman) Several caught rats

21.Why does a cowboy wear a tight belt? To hold up his pants

22.What's looser that a thread, a fish, flying ribbons? A woman's tongue

23.What's most alluring when it's lowest or highest; when it's in the air or in a hole; when it's served you yet you can't touch it? an enchanting ace

24.When does a painter use a trigger instead of a brush? when he's a stickup artist

25. When is a Jet Stream like a Daffodil? (unanswered)

26. When is a floor like a puzzle? (the floor under the duo breaks apart)

27.When is a man a stupid relative? When he's a mannequin (a dummy)

28. When is a man drowned, but still not wet? When he's trapped in quicksand

29.When is a person like a piece of wood? When he's a ruler

30.When is a prizefight like a beautiful lady? when it's a knockout

31.When is the time of a clock like the whistle of a train? When it's two to two

32. When's a donkey spelled with one letter? (Robin) When it's "U" (you )

33.Which president wears the largest hat? The one with the biggest head.

34.What weighs six ounces, sits in a tree, and is very dangerous? A sparrow with a machine gun

Bouncer
10-10-2005, 02:31 PM
New-Age Pick-Up Lines

1) Wow, you've got a yummy aura.

2) Can I channel you in the morning?

3) I'm having a guided fantasy about you tonight; you might as well be there to enjoy it.

4) My seance or yours?

rushdoony
10-10-2005, 07:30 PM
A rich lawyer decides to test
the character of each of three
women he knows. He is interested
in a new wife. He decides to give
each woman $25,000 to spend
the way that seems most appropriate
for a future couple. The first
woman puts the money in a bank savings
account. The second woman puts a down
payment on an engagement ring.
The third woman invests in
a stock mutual fund.
WHICH WOMAN DOES THE LAWYER MARRY?

10-10-2005, 07:35 PM
The woman who puts the downpayment on an engagement ring.

rushdoony
10-10-2005, 07:42 PM
No, but close.
Answer: The one with the biggest t*ts.

10-10-2005, 07:51 PM
:lol: :lol: :lol:

I assumed since he was a rich lawyer all three would have been equally endowed.

But, very funny!!

:lol: :lol: :lol:

rushdoony
10-11-2005, 08:44 AM
repeated

Bouncer
10-11-2005, 10:09 AM
Cor! And because he put her through the phony little test, he can tell her he married her for her brains.