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Melaw 04-21-2011 06:11 AM

Something's Happened That Hasn't Happened Yet!!
January 5th, 2009. 2 years ago. Something happened to me then that began an incredible sequence of events that haven’t left me behind ever since, and probably never will.
I woke up on a metal floor in a ship, locked in a cage. I didn’t have any memory of my life before then, I still don’t know how I got there. Around me were other cages containing all kinds of animals, all asleep like I was as we travelled along.
I couldn’t stay in this dungeon so called over one of the guards and asked what was happening. He told me there had been a cataclysmic disaster of global proportions. I asked what had happened. He wouldn’t elaborate. I asked when it had happened. He gave me a look that said “the truth can never come out”. I asked where we were. He said “Just under 4 years before it happens”. I thought he said it had already happened, so asked him again and got that same look again. Something strange was going on, but at the time I had no idea of the scale of it.
I noticed the hinges on the cage door were on the inside, which meant I could get at them. I waited for the guard to move along then started trying to loosen them. After a while they came off and I was able to sneak out of the cage. I walked past a number of other cages containing various common and rare animals, as if it were some sort of Ark, then came across a door with a flashing orange light above it and a biohazard sign on it. I glanced through the window and saw a huge tank of water with a creature in there that I’d never seen before and looked more like it had come from the age of the Dinosaurs than anything in today’s oceans. On the cage was a note. It simply said, “THE WALEM”.
I carried on moving through the ship when I heard a commotion from where I’d just come from. I assumed the guards had just realised I was missing. I saw a sign above another door that said “LIFEBOATS” so went through it and into some sort of pod. I jettisoned it and was free from the Ark. At that point I noticed something rather odd. I had just jettisoned from the ship in a small lifeboat, but the ride was incredibly smooth. Not smooth as in “the sea was calm today” smooth. This was smooth as in “I’m not even in the sea”.

Melaw 05-07-2011 03:06 PM

Re: Something's Happened That Hasn't Happened Yet!!
It didn’t take long to reach land. Only a couple of hours at most. I got out and started exploring this unchartered world. I saw some strange looking alien creature with a big bulge at the top of his body with marks on it. I went over to ask where I was but he just looked nervously at me, picked up his sofa and ran off, one hand on his hat, occasionally glancing back at me to see where I was. I ran after him but then he ran into a tree, fell over, got up and ran into another tree that seemed to have a door in it. I assume he was aiming for that tree the first time but got the wrong one. I cautiously followed him in and went down to this underground habitat. That bloke was back on his sofa, smoking. So I went over to him again to ask where I was, but again he just picked up his sofa and ran off. This kept happening until I eventually found a car to chase him in. I realised he wouldn’t leave his sofa so I managed to take it while he was picking food from his toenails. I put the sofa on top of the car and drove to a more shaded area, as I was getting a bit warm. This creature then started chasing me, swearing at me, and at one point even fired a missile at me! I decided he was a bit dangerous so chose not to land. This meant I couldn’t give him his sofa back, but I did keep trying, only every time I got near he’d try to attack me.

Does anyone know this guy? Are all people round here like it?

Sorry for the delay in posting this message. This dangerous, sofa obsessed creature stole the IBM server I’m using to access the internet. They’ve only just managed to replace it.

Prophecy 05-08-2011 04:13 AM

Re: Something's Happened That Hasn't Happened Yet!!
How did you never get into stand-up with that sense of humour?

scampers 07-06-2011 07:25 PM

Re: Something's Happened That Hasn't Happened Yet!!
That seems like a dream. Quite a story. Fun to read.

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