to become despondent is normal.anger also a normal reaction. i first became aware of the illuminati,the central bankers and the push for world government(new world order not being a popular term then)in 1979 and for years the effects of knowing were all negative. eventually the fear and depression drove me back toward God.life has been much better since then .
mary is right.you focus on the good things in life(there are many) and thank God for them. you realize that your knowledge has sharpened you,has fine-tuned you to be a better person,a more thoughtful,aware person, a person more teachable,more receptive to spiritual issues.and those issues are eternal issues. our life here,although important to us,is temporary.
also,this is a slow-moving beast we're talking about.it's not like they're coming for you tomorrow. make plans,balance your checkbook,buy a home,a car, save money and above all...keep a good sense of humor and enjoy your life. God gave you a life to enjoy and he wants you to enjoy it . and remember this is really HIS plan not the devil's. in the end ,God wins and therefore,his children win as well.
so you live,you learn,and you laugh. and you do your best to leave it with God. faith means trusting ...hard to trust,living in today's world...but learning to trust Him,that He will take care of you, come what may, is possibly the most valuable lesson in life.
i apologize if this sounds condescending thumper(you too doctor), my children are your age.
i have my down days too but have learned a few things,in spite of myself,that have helped me.
hope my perspective helps you.