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Old 12-08-2008, 10:54 AM
Leonardo Leonardo is offline
Join Date: Oct 2007
Posts: 498
Default Re: I've enjoyed not being here for a few weeks...

Originally Posted by justgroovy View Post
well now you've gone and hurt my feelings.
Well, I didn't mean to hurt your feelings..

I was just feeling despondant is all.

I apologize for some of the things I said. That was probably rude. I just feel alone most of the time. Sometimes I feel that the things I see in front of me everyday are really just the phantasms of a bad dream, and that any moment I'm just going to wake up and everything will be back to normal and alright.

But it never is. The truly scary thing about life is not that everything is illusion like that Buddhist believes. The really frightening thing about life is that everything is real and never goes away!

I apologize if I have hurt anyone else's feelings.

I guess I really love people and believe and know our latent abilities. That why when I see people not making use of those talents it infuriates me.

I guess my point is this, I ask, What is everyone doing here? Why is it that we, out of millions of others who could be here actually ARE here? Some are here simply to misdirect. Others may be here to promote a certain agenda. Blue Angel is here because that's the hobby they allow here at the mental institution.

But what are we trying to accomplish as a group? Is there any possibility that conspiracy theorists could really start an organic community symposium? Would our collective efforts really make a difference? What WILL make a difference? If it is the case that the game is too far gone to ever be won, then what is the point of caring about conspiracy theories or even knowing any of it? If it's over than it's over. Who cares, then?

I think that to most, this is all simply a silly game. There was a time that I believed that if people could simply be informed of the truth, they would modify their behavior and we could as a people really make a difference in the world. But that's not how "people" are.

So why do I spin my wheels here for the last 3 1/2 years? If I am only going to be surrounded by people who constantly disagree, constantly post nonsense, and who really never have a good thing to say about much of anything?

No, I think I'm letting go. Maybe, EmaEmerald was right after. Maybe it really doesn't make any difference what we do here. Maybe the machine really is too strong. I believed in the power of people knowing the truth, using their minds and talents and making a difference. But maybe most people aren't worth saving. Besides that, in all my time working in missions and trying to stand for Christ I've only suffered loss. First of my family, then of friends, and lastly career. Who's ever tried to save me? In fact, who ever really given me a thankyou? Who really ever encouraged me? Who has ever recognized what we could accomplish together?

No, I'm leaving this place. And I don't know when or if I'll be back. People do not and cannot have any real conception of how completely deluded they are today in almost every aspect of their lives. I exist in a world full of poison both physical and spiritual. I want out of this country, this place and this time. I despise the United States. How can I live in a country or a world where the popular opinion of the times is that Britany Spears and Lil Waine are "artists" who have great "talent". These tokens and many more are the sure signs that I am living in a nation of utter morons. And these morons are dangerous and deadly. I was not born into wealth. I was raised in foster care and children's homes. But neither am I going to sell out to the amorality that it would take for me to become rich. Nor can I however work around the lower class of imbiciles who listen to Lil Waine, Brittany Spears, and who do and run drugs.

I didn't ask for any of this. It was not my irresponsibility that created any of this. It was not my lack of ambition that caused this. I am stuck in a societal prison cell with no way out in site.

So why try? I think I'm just going to go get myself diagnosed with a mental disorder and get some Social Security and take about a 40 year vacation to Jamaca.

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