When the planes hit the towers not too long afterwards I received a constant mantra of suicide commands.
After that my memory told me that the CIA was involved in my past, that they were corrupt, and information just kept filling my brain.
Nazi's, using children to sexually blackmail politicians, etc., etc.
I went to a therapist for a while discovering my past abuse and one day I decided to tell her about the CIA's involvement in my past and asked if she would come to my home so that I would feel safe with my husband here as well.
She did. I closed my eyes and with my jaw clenched and teeth together, I spit out whatever I could about drugs, pornography, the CIA, etc.
Obviously, this was how I reacted in the past when I was being interrogated. I didn't want to give anyone any information, especially them, so when I fought to keep it inside, they tortured, and I spit it out unwillingly through the pain, clenched teeth, tight jaw.
Also, while she was here, I knew she was going to think I was crazy. That was my biggest fear as this is how I was labeled as a child when I just didn't "remember to forget." I knew that revealing and remembering what I was repeating to "outsiders" may result in some consequences back then and, perhaps, in present.
Guess what she said when it was all over? Well, I think it's really hard for you to believe that your father and mother abused you so badly, so you blame the government.
Okay, bye-bye, I said.