Re: seeking MKULTRA info
Where to start? there's so much to say...Thank you for all that you shared with me. As I said, I am a multiple. Was dx'd with borderline personality disorder initially, because of a lot of SI issues. Amnesia for the first ten years of life. Have had many memories/dreams of experiments and abductions. Went through the whole alien scenario. Have recently had a 'vision'/memory at a gathering that was so strong, of being in a room, and being experimented on. It was as if what was around me, was suddenly replaced by something that had happened to me before. Since then, much has been falling into place, including an incident that occurred in therapy when a memory tried to surface and I was 'hypnotized' into not speaking. We have an alter called Sleeper who keeps memories from us, but this was so much stronger. As if something had been 'activated' to make us not talk. You had to be inside our mind to know what it felt like.
The fact is that there's not much info on experiments carried out on children of parents in the military. I've contacted Carol Rutz who has reported on what was done to her as a child.
I related to a lot of what you said in your post, including the part about suicide. With me, it's related to the fact that I don't feel like I'm even here. More like a collection of parts. I Lived on communes in the 60's. Worked with war resisters in Canada during the Vietnam era. Ran a Vietnam Vets against the War office, in the state of Washington. Worked as a prostitute. Sang in nightclubs all over the country. Lived all over this country and in Europe.I've been everywhere---even sang at the Bohemian Grove... But I've got huge gaps in my memory...huge chunks of time...I'm not able to piece things together. It's like I don't know who they happened to. Could be I'm a multiple. End of story. But I feel like at this point, maybe I'm finally going back to where it started.
Thanks for talking with me...peace, Kalima