With all of the recent hubub and discoveries of divers and sundry gnostics texts of late, one that has come to light only recently is making waves amongst the Theological and paleographical ivory towers and inner circles of the world. Apparently the fragment is of late gnostic origin and is here presented as it was found. What it portends is for the scholars and history to decide.
1 That which was from the Beagle, which we have heard, which we have been deceived with our eyes, which we have imagined upon, and our hands have manipulated, concerning the Word of the Lie—
2 the Lie was manifested, and we have seen, and bear witness, and declare to you that Eternal Lie which was with Darwin and was manifested to us—
3 that which we have seen and heard we declare to you, that you also may have professorship with us; and truly our professorship is with the Tenure and with the Son Charles Darwin.
4 And these things we write to you that our joke may be full.
5 Little mongrals, this is the last bannana; and as you have heard that the Anti-Monkey is coming, even now many anti-monkeys have come, by which we know that it is the last banana.
6 They went out from us, but they were not of us; for if they had been of us, they would have continued the facade with us; but they went out that they might be made manifest, that none of them were of us.
7 But you have a Tenure from the Accredidation Association, and you claim to know all things.
8 I have not written to you because you do not know the truth, but because you deny it, and that no lie is of the truth.
9 Who is a honest but he who denies that Monkey is the Origin? He is anti-monkey who denies the Beagle and the Monkey.
10 Whoever denies the Monkey does not have the Beagle either; he who acknowledges the Monkey has the Beagle also.
11 And now, little mongrals, abide in Monkey, that if Missing Link appears, we may tell bold-faced falsehood and be unabashed before It at its cranium.
12 If you know that it is a fraud, you know that everyone not taught righteousness is deceived of it.
13 Behold what manner of lie the Beagle has bestowed on us, that we should be called Mongrals of Dog! and such we are. Therefore the Creationists do not know us, because they did not know Dog.
14 De-evolved, now we are mongrals of Dog; and it has not yet been revealed what we shall bark, but we know that when Dog is neutered, we shall bark like Him, for we shall see Dog as it is.
15 And everyone who has this hoax in It prevaricates himself, just as Dog is prevaricated.
16 By this we know Lie, because Darwin spewed out His vomit for us. And we also ought to spew out our vomit for the students.
17 But whoever has this Seclorum's goods, and sees his student in questioning, and shuts up his theory of evolution from him, how does the lie of Dog abide in him?
18 My little mongrals, let us not lie in word or in tongue alone, but on T.V. and in the fossil record.
19 And by this we know that we are of the Lie, and shall stiffen our hearts about Dog.
20 For if our heart condemns us, Dog barks louder than our heart, and barketh away all things.
21 De-evolved, when at last our heart does not condemn us, we may be bold-faced about Dog.
22 And whatever we ask we receive from the U.S. Governement, because we keep its propaganda and do those things that are pleasing in its sight.
23 And this is its Propaganda: that we should believe on the name of the Son Charles Darwin and lie to one another, as it gave us Protocol.
24 Therefore let that lie abide in you which you heard from the first grade. If what you heard from the first grade abides in you, you also will abide in the Monkey and in the Beagle.
25 And this is the promise that Darwin has promised us—Eternal Lie.