#1  
Old 01-12-2007, 07:24 AM
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Default EXPERIMENT


I personally do not like the word. I am a HUMAN BEING. I am not a lab rat. I am not an animal. I did not like being poked and proded. I did not like being hooked up to machines. I did not like being treated like a DOG.

I was experimented with by NAZI doctors all funded by the CIA.

No. Not just me. Many of us.

In Peace,
BlueAngel

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  #2  
Old 01-12-2007, 08:22 AM
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Default Re: EXPERIMENT

I wasn't born this way, I told him. My father.

Why would you let these doctors experiment with me? I am your daughter. How can you do this to your own daughter? I am your flesh. I am your blood.

How can you be like this?

Do I look better when I come back? Does it seem like they're helping me?

I tell you what they do to me and you act as if they're looking for a cure for some "dreaded disease" you say runs in our family.

Some dreaded disease I wasn't born with. Some dreaded disease you make up so I look like the crazy one and you do not.

You make me sick on purpose. They make me sick on purpose.

They ask me what I feel when they do this. What I feel when they do that.

I will not cooperate. Drink from this cup. Drink from that cup. Take your medicine. The medicine makes me feel worse, but you tell me I have to take it.

Why?

Don't you trust that I know my own body? Don't you think I know how I feel?

Why do you think you know what I feel inside? You're not inside of me.

If I didn't keep my mouth shut, I was going to get all of us KILLED, is what he said.

You've got to learn to keep a secret. You've got to learn to keep your mouth zipped. You've got to learn to button your lip and throw away the key.

Some secrets, government secrets, cannot be talked about.

Why?

Government secrets that they use me and others like we are guniea pigs.

That they put us in cages. That they put dog collars around our necks. That they treat us like slaves. That they make us particpate in grotesque sexual acts?

These secrets? These are government secrets that you want me to be quiet about?

Our family? What the hell is wrong with our family?

In Peace,
BlueAngel
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  #3  
Old 01-12-2007, 10:19 AM
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Default Re: EXPERIMENT

I remember lots of injections. They were looking for a truth serum.

But, in addition to this, I remember being injected with something that made me feel paralyzed, numb.

I was conscious. I could speak. My eyes were open.

I was restrained alot in a straitjacket. This, because I would kick, scream and fight.

I was bound and gagged.

I made it harder than it had to be, they said.

I could not fight the "evil forces" of nature.

In Peace,
BlueAngel

P. S. Sometimes, I experience symptoms when recalling such as the numbness in my face.
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  #4  
Old 01-12-2007, 11:05 AM
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Default Re: EXPERIMENT

I did not always stay with THEM. I was brought to different military installations.

Highly guarded ones at that. Dark, desolate, flashing lights. Lots of them.

I DO NOT LIKE FLASHING LIGHTS. I have experienced trauma with my husband in the car if we are on a dark highway, so to speak, in the middle of nowhere and there may be a bright flashing yellow light up ahead, jumping side to side.

I have at times, actually stopped the car, begun trembling and was almost paralyzed with fear. I could not drive the car any further.

I was afraid to go under the light.

Another time, I was in the passenger seat and I actually crouched down on the floor.

BRIGHT FLASHING LIGHTS in the middle of nowhere do not sit well with me.

The installations are HIGHLY GUARDED. No one come in or out unless they have clearance.

I was being EXPERIMENTED on! I cannot stress this enough.

Experimented on by what and by whom, you ask?

By BEINGS I referred to as creatures from another planet. By evil doctors. By Nazi doctors.

By BEINGS whom could not be human. They had no compassion, no empathy, no feelings!

They could not be described as HUMAN in any sense of the word.

In Peace,
BlueAngel
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  #5  
Old 01-12-2007, 11:15 AM
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Default Re: EXPERIMENT

I am screaming at people. THEY ARE NOT HUMAN. I don't know what they are. They don't look human. They don't act like they're human. I don't know how to describe them.

It is some kind of exchange program.

In Peace,
BlueAngel
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  #6  
Old 01-12-2007, 11:52 AM
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Default Re: EXPERIMENT

When I began recalling memories five years ago about my past abuse, there were certain symptoms that I suffered when remembering and/or speaking about them.

A feeling of coldness would come over me as if most of my blood had been drained out of my body.

Everything was about taking samples. A sample of this; a sample of that. Poking, proding, testing. Looking in every crack and crevice.

My teeth would chatter, my jaws would become clenched as occured when memories were being tortured OUT OF ME!

My neck would become extrememly painful and tired from the shocking and the targeting of pressure points in that area.

This is happening now. It has been a long time since these symptoms were present.

I was TOLD when this occured to get under the covers in my bed.

I no longer do this as this "tactic" makes it worse.

It draws me into a state of emotional distress were I may lay in bed for days and re-experience the torture again and where "false/implanted memories" can emerge.

In Peace,
BlueAngel
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