AM I A MONARCH CHILD?
Greetings and Salutations.
As a new forum member - I have a question about something I have been unable to find through the search mechanism, though it has undoubtably been covered somewhere at some point in time.
A brief personal history:
I was born to a military family (USAF)in 1974 and my father worked in a classified position, my early childhood was full of verbal violence and double standards - I became introverted and quietly observant as a result of it, as well as having a stark contrast of a dual personality (quiet and reserved on one hand, but prone to outbursts of controlling and exhibitionist behavior on the other). I excelled in school but shyed away from the majority of my schoolmates - mainly because "civilian schools" were so chaotic as opposed to schools on base.
In 1995 I became obsessed with traveling, and ended up backpacking across the United States where I encountered a way of life that suited every aspect of my life - physical, spiritual, mental - and did quite well for myself on several fronts.
I hung around the LSD drug culture almost exclusively (for some reason, a voice in the back of my head kept telling me I was "monitoring them") and it was not uncommon to be "aware" of being watched by various remote agents (most of the kids were paranoid and because of my military upbringing, I would always talk them down out of their delusions of Big Brother and even go so far as to wave to the Feds they claimed were tracking them). It was all very lighthearted, and nothing was too malicious about these encounters. Everyone was very open and friendly (including our observers) and many ideas were discussed and many freedoms of thought were shared during these times.
In 1997 I became obsessed with moving to Seattle, and did so with little more than a backpack and a guitar and somehow managed to make ends meet and establish residency.
Soon after I began living there, I began hearing voices. They told me to "come join them", and I would leave my apartment and venture into the nightlife district, where I was "guided" through what I can only describe as a telepathic means of communication to various locations, meetings and gatherings.
All fared well - my creativity was at a high point and I was learning new skills everyday - there was purpose in my life, and every step lead to new and interesting discoveries on a variety of subjects.
I found myself falling into trance states and acting almost robotically to subconcious prompts on several occassions.
One evening, in one of these traces I gathered up every piece of writing I had accumulated over 5 years, placed it all in a black garbage bag and walked it out to the curb at 1am. I stood several feet away from the "dropoff" and saw a black car with tinted windows pull up with only a red light visible in the dash console, and heard a voice in my head say "get in".
I told them (mentally) there was no chance in hell I was getting into a car with an unknown person, and returned indoors.
I was called out on several occassions after that, but never again saw a vehicle of any sort, or any "source" for these prompts.
In 2002, I had been without this type of activity for a good year when suddenly, out of nowhere, I hear a male voice in my head say "LEAVE". Within 45 minutes I had closed my affairs with my housemates, was packed, and on the road back to Texas.
While in Texas, I recieved electronic harrassment and was besieged by voices and "experiences" I cannot quite explain on an almost continual basis - from being watched, to being telepathically assaulted and acting like a drone on autopilot.
I am now living in a small town in a remote location - with a minimal of harrassment aside from a very negative "feel" to the place, excessive lethargy (I sleep almost 18 hours a day) and am unable to interact socially in the community I have found myself in.
I have had several unexplainable episodes ranging from the voices, to direct prompts to "leave" (I am unable to do so at this point in time for various reasons otherwise I would) and when I do not comply, the voices become hostile.
I am cut off from any positive reinforcement outside of my family and one close friend. The mental landscape is hostile and whenever I do hear voices they are rude, arrogant and profoundly ignorant.
My Father and I rarely communicate and even though he is retired, his phone is still monitored and he will not discuss this matter with me.
MY QUESTIONS ARE THESE:
Am I a MONARCH child?
Does any of this fall in line with tactics of control and punishment? Did I screw up somewhere, or was there just a regime change?
Is there anything I can do in my current environment besides sleep, save for the move, and wait?
ANY CONSTRUCTIVE FEEDBACK WOULD BE APPRECIATED, AND I WILL BE HAPPY TO PROVIDE ADDITIONAL DETAILS IF NEEDED.
(sorry to jump in so hard and fast, folks...but this is really weighing heavily on my mind right now)