I have suffered from depression and need to talk.
Firstly: This part of my book (!) was at the end until I realised not everyone is going to read to the end so I have put it first here goes:If any one else is being effected emotionally/mentally by "stuff out there in the world" (conspiracy theories, aliens,wars, etc.) and is aware of the sheer misinformatition coupled with the fact that they just think they feel and think differently to the mainstream. Can we have a chat please. I would really like to try and find people that think more outside the box and how they have coped with this in their lives. Knowing this information about the world around you does have a consiquence and I feel like I am living a lie not being able to answer a question about "what do you think about Obama?" or isn't this terrible and say what I think. Its like I am not a sheep but I am having to live amongst sheep. I just feel isolated and you can't just talk about this "stuff" anyway never mind how you create a life for yourself knowing this stuff. Where do you go to find people and friends, how you can help the situation/educate the public etc. The need to be able to express yourself with people who don't think your mental health is wonky and can try and get to know you as a complete person with valid view points and ability to see stuff others can't. Is there not like somewhere you can volunteer and get food and board ? Is someone trying to set up a commune where people like minded can be together (like with eco-communities, spiritual communes)? Any ideas. Basically I have the freedom to go anywhere I want as long as I don't have to dip into savings too much, I want to help somehow and be around people in the know and doing something about this mess. I can no longer sit and watch and feel that I know so little about this planet and ourselves-I really need to be able to get my head more into gear and understand where we are at.
Ok the mess we are in, the sheer mass of theories and information available, I think its about time we seriously admit to ourselves where we are really and how little we know about our planet and where we are heading. With that said, I just find it hard to believe how few people are struggling mentally and emotionally with the state the world is in, worrying about our future as a race, if we are going to screw the planet up (is it not at the point yet where everyday people are using logic and comon sense and thinking well there is a possibility we could have been infiltrated by aliens given the evidence and the mess-maybe we better even just look just incase because of the implications- if its not true, at least we have looked into it as a possibility given our limited knowledge). Unless most people don't really admit this or take it on board - I suppose this takes a lot (things people struggle with everyday seem small in comparison). Frankly it's a miracle I am coping so well as I try to be very rational and honest with the earthly situation the only comfort being the relief the possibility that "this may not be all be our mess". I don't think people realise how REAL and SERIOUS the situation is, I mean its bad enough even if you don't go beyond the media version and the environmental damage and famine etc. Are people numb and dumb? I used to think I was over sensitive, maybe I am more honest with myself (and can't pull wool over my own eyes as effectively cos something is pulling at me within) and I allow myself to be aware of more, its like I don't filter reality the same as every one else. I am really struggling with even being able to just get on in the world, to be honest I have struggled in getting on with people anyway. Yet I am even questioning this. I don't understand how a confident and outgoing personality type can end up so isolated. Having said that run of the mill "normal" things were of no interest to me. I do like to get up and dance and have a laugh but feel like I am using people as that is all I get out of the situation, they aren't really friends. Don't get me wrong I would have loved to have made friends and done fun stuff aswell but alcohol didn't interest me (which immediately makes you odd and in N England its blinkered era going back to my youth when you were lucky to see a black person and you were a freak if you did yoga) and the whole thing of getting to know people is long and complex-going through the normal processes in western society and what you talk about. To be honest a lot of people don't really want to know themselves deeper or ask normal questions about why we are here etc. which is fine but I question why? Isn't that a basic human thing. Its like these people are just existing off surface layors as that is all they are aware of. Where is the wonder? The questioning? The what ifs? Can you just get your kicks off booze, shopping and footy and feel fully satisfied and not a hole inside? Im sorry but it aint normal for an intelligent race to be brain washed by materialism and wonder why they are so unhappy with so many problems. I even question if people are even functioning in a normal way. Hang ups they have are pathetic, egos, their own insecurities, gosh are we really that frail? We are just creating a non-sense world. Just say it like it is, say what you mean. I just want to blurt out what Im about, my experiences what I think and does anybody even feel remotely the same cos its bloody lonely. They have emotional hang-ups their own baggage which a lot of people don't even know they have got, let alone analyse to the extent I do. I say superficial as I wanted to develop spiritually, (when I say this I mean to encompas whatever it means to develop more as an intellegient being) I wanted to genuinely grow as a whole being. I even question my emotions, really delve and find out more about myself. Why I feel different/seem to be experiencing the world from perspectives that aren't "normal" etc. I was always a deep thinker and was emotionally very mature and aware of stuff from a young age. I knew all the stuff psychotherapists were saying to me - I know that but how do I get on with people when I want to feel and exist beyond their level? I can't just be happy on fobbing myself off with job, mortgage, girly nights out, going through "normal channells" of getting to know a person etc, the restricted conversation and normal ways of thinking and being. Even new age stuff people get sucked into, it just ISN'T rational on a global scale. New agers really do "believe", I know there are many chanellings and some are genuine information of some use from somewhere. But you just have to look to see what a big mess it all is. There is some truth in many things, but to believe blindly instead of thinking logically, ok so why aren't we REALLY receiving USEFULL INFORMATION and why aren't they telling us about all this other stuff. If there is all this higher intelligence why the big disagreement and mess? Even the new age has much disinformation and control, although some principles have some elements of truth. Obviously people are receiving stuff from somewhere as some are coming out with information beyond their knowledge (or that they couldn't just reel off) and some of it they obviously couldn't have made up and is consistent. We just aren't as safe - it isnt all loving and fluffy and how come they never admit to all this negative alien abduction stuff (conveniently). I would love to be able to find like-minded people who are also struggling with mental/physchological things and how this fits into conspiracy theories. People who aren't going to laugh or think oh we've got a nutcase here. To be honest I think I have quite a good mind in that I look at evidence, try to take a step back and see the whole picture and lately have been trying to think things through. This involves trying to keep an open mind not getting sucked in to things and remaining vigilant. Are most people doing this as they research? Are they aware of hang on I'm getting hooked and even obsessed with only looking at UFO stuff rather than really educating themselves by looking at stuff that hasn't got the "wow" factor and is mundane but actually is essential and relevant to the situation? World history, human pyschology, the media, the way government system has been created, looking at how all the pieces fit together.
What are emotions but things WE have very little control over and yet there are umpteen ways of being able to have be better control over them. Why is it so simple yet difficult to control them? Where do they come from? Why are there so many emotional-disorders? Are these even normal and natural as they occur or are aliens constantly tellepathically influencing them as they project into the mass sub-consciouss? Or have we been genetically implanted. Lets face it, its a possibility. Why is humanity so destructive with its use of negative thoughts and emotions to the point of it not being logical or serving a purpose? They are like stuck records that play the same stuff. A lot of people aren't even aware they do this. For example being critical of people and constantly making judgements, the need to talk behind peoples backs. It has become obsessive. Our addicition to soaps and negative emotions. Well I hate them, give me some good feel stuff please not doom and gloom! The media and the main channells are mannipulating us psychologically in a big way and the fact that all this crap appeals to a lot of people is frightening. Another way in which humanity is not living its natural potential (not that it is ever encouraged or shown how to do this). Finally I do not mean to affend anyone by saying most people are superficial (most of us have to exist like this in an everyday world which is to a degree normal, however how many people even want to go beyond or have time?), its nobodies fault that they need or don't need more from life than their lives give them, you can only be what you can think and feel and what your desires are. What even influences this? Its like as we are becoming "more intelligent" and more people are wanting answers to philosophical etc questions, the more society is less geared to us finding out the answers and is pumping more materialism and distractions into our world. Does anyone feel that they cannot cope and feel the need to try and understand more about the world around them and all the conspiricies? Is any one else reacting in a "normal" confused and what the hell do we do now kind of way? Its like a mass anasthaetic! Come on, its all very well discussing the physical stuff, but what about how people are FEELING about it? Even I, having recently come off medication (for depression) completely for the first time in 10 years, have some how not had a negative reaction to exposing myself to David Ickes stuff and god knows what else. Partly this in itself is making me question stuff, its like my mind is more balanced. I am a different person and see things differently to what I used to. Its like I can think, more fully and balanced. I just can't explain it. Its a miracle having found all kinds of horrible stuff that is going on that it hasn't made me really down. Unless, deep down I owe it to society NOT to let it get to me and NOT being beaten by this, that I am not achieving anything or helping by being like that. Its like a motivation to DO SOMETHING. I do have very active mind and get lots of thoughts which is a pity I can't focus this, think I need to sort some stuff out! I needed to get stuff off my chest. 6 months or so I "got into conspiracy theories" which involved much research including days of watching stuff my friend had researched. Basically I am open minded and have allowed myself to question things on the planet and accept various things no matter how "off the wall" as they do have supportive evidence and when you put pieces of a jigsaw together and just say, ok lets just see.. David Icke, Montauk series books, the illuminati etc. They aren't out of the question. To be honest the mind control thing or whatever would seem possible, suppression of rational thinking call it what you like. I am just finding myself even more isolated as I just cannot believe an average thinker (I have no degrees!) can't even think rationally for themselves as the state of the world is diabolical. Do people really think that out there is humanity at its pinnacle of intelligence? The fact that people DO NOT come to that question and that it is obvious our full important knowledge of scientific information is NOT readily available. The fact that many people do not even admit paranormal stuff/aliens as reality purely by the sheer quantity of eye witnesses. People by their very nature cannot grasp and even begin to understand the world in which we live as most of it "doesnt exist" or is made up of things which are labelled as physically impossible (a basic understanding of quantum physics makes us realise actually this reality DOESN'T act strictly how we thought and that the observer actually changes the physical reality purely by observation). When I started looking into not readily available scientific info that makes other dimensions and stuff probable etc I wondered why there are so many people instantly dismissing the possibility of aliens having run us for thousands of years (many of which won't even look at the stuff and readily dismiss it). Science fiction actually becomes a possibility.
If you can't see there is something not right in the world by now- GET SOME GLASSES!
Are you suspicious about things - then go and find out!
Lets pull together as one big team and help each other figure it out. Lets be resourcefull, respectfull, helpfull and listen to each others advice about how better to deal with this. Lets NOT judge someone as wierd because they have had an experience we don't understand: ADMIT ITS EXISTENCE AND ACKNOWLEDGE IT as something we need to deal with especially if its happening on a large scale. Use our brains, our logic, research and think, question! This whole thing needs to pull as one not seperate bits to try and educate people and "allow people to think more".
Last edited by someone : 11-27-2009 at 07:57 AM.