Hello BlueAngel --
Well, I got taken hostage and pretty much told this, and all of a sudden, everything in my life made a sick kind of sense.
I feel a bit like I'm on trial here and I don't really wish to give all this information to a stranger on a public forum that I don't yet feel entirely safe with.
Hence, I'm choosing to sort of get my feet in the water a bit with this forum, and hopefully, through my posts over time, my knowledge will be an obvious indicator of my role -- Hopefully, I can speak certain knowledges or ideas as they feel safe to be expressed over time, and I can share things in a more organic way through adding to threads in forums, rather than making a claim and then feeling the need to look inside for the right words or information to defend said claim. I don't like that feeling too much.
Thanks for understanding, and I do hope that perhaps there are some resources that might be able to help me out of this, but I don't expect for sure that this forum will be the one to help -- Perhaps it's a better place to just get some education and spread the word of some of what I know and speak the hope I grow into as I disengage from some pretty horrific programming I've endured in my life.