Some people have a knack for making fools of themselves.
I wonder what it is they seek?
I percieve that you are experiencing feelings of guilt, regret, shame, and loss.
Admitting the proplem is the first step toward healing. Yes, you've been an attention whore, but that doesn't mean that you cannot change.
You need a new self concept, BlueAngel. I'm willing to forgive all the blatent and vain threats against me that you've given. But you have to start getting back in touch with yourself. Get to know yourself. Look at yourself in the mirror and say, Am I really BlueAngel? Then yourself will look back and say, Do I LOOK Blue to you!! Then you will say, Stop making fun of me, I'm in healing and I'm getting a new self concept! Then your real self will look back at you in the mirror and say, Cathy....Cathy....you're talking to yourself again...