After I left his site, I went through a period not too long ago, where I was listening to the "olides" radio station religiously. This, of course, from subconscious instructions. Waiting, listening, maybe he'd say something, maybe there would be a clue.
Realizing it was causing an altered state of consciousness even further and "snapping" out of the trance like state of make-believe, fairy-tale, never never land, la la land, I thought to myself, this is completely ridiculous.
So, one day I'm listening, and lo and behold, I hear my voice. The soundbite had absolutely nothing to do with what the DJ was talking about at the time.
The female voice said:
"Why are you here?"
My privacy has been invaded much of my life through listening and watching, surveillance, gaslighting. I was a victim of MKULTRA/Project Monarch; used as a sex slave in the music industry; my handler/controller is a very famous musician.
In otherwords, to protect him, to protect the government from what I know to be the truth, I've been a target all of my life.
Makes perfect sense, right?
I shouldn't resent any of this, right?
I should just go about my life like nothing happened, right?
I've been going back and forth thinking that I'm sure THEY/HE were in contact with me shortly after I was married.
If he couldn't have me than no one would.
I was never to receive pleasure from sexual intercourse with another man. Anyone other than him. These were my instructions.
In fact, in an email on the site, I said, "I did what you told me to do." This was My subconscious talking and this is exactly how it is referred to in the cult.
Of course, it was a lie.
Let's hear your subconscious talk. That's your subconscious talking. Repeating instructions, etc. It comes up from out of your subconscious, they would say. It's all in the subconscious mind. Penetrating the subconsious mind. That's what it's all about with hypnosis.
I told him to get out. I'm married now and I said, "why are you here?" Maybe they played this on the radio thinking it would have the opposite effect than what it is now. They were wrong. It doesn't make me believe they have tapes. They don't.
I received a vibrator and a subscription to Play Girl Magazine. I was told to pleasure myself. Never have an orgasm with another man.
Remember, they didn't want me to become intimate with another man. They didn't want me to trust anyone for then I might reveal my past. They wanted me alone, paranoid, crazy and/or institutionalized.
When the MPD poster on the site remarked about how I should scream louder during an orgasm, this was because HE was upset. This was also to humiliate and embarass me. This was also to let me know they were listening. Certainly, that would somewhat constrain me.
I believe shortly after I was married, a recording of my husband and I being intimate was revealed to me. This, in an attempt to keep me from having intimate relations with him.
The disinformation was that in the past when HE and I were being intimate, others were listening in.
This is negative.
We know they've been invading my privacy forever, because there isn't any other way they would have known that I was waking up and remembering.
Planes, helicopters, street games, emerged non-stop.
I know why the planes fly overhead, the helicopters as well. Same reason they did when I was younger.
I KNOW THIS, but if I were to ask my neighbors, hey, what do you think about all the aircraft activity around here, they'd be oblivious.
I KNOW THIS because this is what happened in the past. It is an attempt to distract me. It is an attempt to cause interference.
When it was indicated on his site that something from HIM would be in the mailbox and it wasn't this was to call up the disinformation that I should check my mailbox everyday because I never knew when he might contact me. They couldn't deliver something because the disinformation wouldn't allow it. It never happened.
As I stated this was a subconsicous implant. I always felt that I was waiting for something in the mail, but didn't know from whom or why.
When I was young and imprisoned in MKULTRA/Project Monarch, I spent nights writing all that I could remember. I felt anxious, most times, because I didn't want my parents to know and I didn't want to forget.
Many time, my parents would say that they found me slumped over my desk asleep or that I was up until the wee hours of the morning writing.
I had a back-up story and back-up writing to show them. It was a fiction story I was working on, I said. Poetry, etc.
When I first woke up, I inquired of an insider, "who has the boxes of documents?" This, again, came from my subconscious knowing that this diary of my life is out there in the hands of OTHERS.
I believe I left my writings in the mailbox at night and that they were picked up.
At some point, my parents found out that I was actually reporting and I was under close watch.
It's very difficult for most people to relate to being "mind controlled." It's difficult to explain how trapped one is and unaware that they are not acting of their own free will. To be totally controlled by another person is incomprehensible to most people.
It was incomprehensible to me that I had been a mind control victim when memories surfaced.
How in the world could this happen? How could I have had another life, in a sense, that I didn't remember?
How could this be? Well, it can be and so it was.
Fortunately, GOD gave me strength to fight against it from almost the moment it was perpetrated upon me.
I was not incarcerated directly most of my life, but to a certain degree, I was acting upon triggers within my environment, television, cinema, etc. The effects of their programming were still intact. The effects of their trauma and torture were still causing PTSD symptoms.
I was not "deprogrammed" when I left the "cult," but I feel at this point, I am an individual of my own free will.
"Deprogramming" is a long journey. I began the process of awakening 5-1/2 years ago. I cannot tell you nor could anyone understand the land mines inside of my mind. The hurdles, the barriers, the games, the distress. I wish for enlightenment purposes, a picture could have been taken of what I and others have endured on the road to recovery. For this may be the only way for others to understand how massive the abuse by our government is upon the citizens of not only America, but countries all over the globe.
You are all being used as experiments. As I've said, what they learned in these programs on individuals, they have applied on the massses for decades.
I say this not for pity or sympathy, but for the future of humankind. For an awakening to the corruption that exists of which you are unaware and which will encompass and swallow you one day if you do not HEED the warnings of those who speak.
Back in the day, I constantly said to HIM, "you are not the BOSS of me." Why are you always bossing me around? You act like I'm some kind of a slave and you're my master. You try to control what I say, how I act, what I think. Everything. It's like I'm you and not ME.
I'm what you want me to be. I want to be who I want to be. Not what you want me to be. Maybe I don't want to be in the music industry. Maybe I want to do something else with my life. Maybe I don't like the way you treat me. Did you ever think of that? Or, do you just love yourself too much to think that anyone could find fault with you?
You say certain words to me and I feel strange. I feel different. I see spots in front of my eyes, little darks spots, like I'm changing. I don't feel like myself. I don't like how I feel when I'm around you. I don't like how you make me feel and I don't like how you make me feel guilty when you're the guilty one. I just don't like it. I don't hurt you. You're the one who hurts me.
Why do you do this? You say certain words and then I feel sexy. Do you think I want to have sex that way? Do you think I want to be "programmed" to have sex. Why do you have to have sex all the time? Maybe I don't want to have sex as much as you do. Maybe sex isn't what life is all about. I don't think you know what love is. You think sex is love and love is sex. You don't like anything else about me. You just like me for sex.
Why are you so mean to me, I would ask him. One minute you're nice. The next minute you're mean. I never know who you are from one minute to the next. You change all the time. You're different all the time. I don't want to stay in the "cult" and be this way for the rest of my life. I don't want people controlling me. I despise it.
People who were not directly incarcerated in the "satanic cult" cannot imagine what it's like to be controlled by another person. You cannot imagine what it is like for someone to have power over you, your actions, your state of consciousness, your awareness. You can't imagine what it is like for someone to hold the keys to your BEING. For someone to be able to switch you from one alter to another. For someone to fiddle with your mindset. For someone to play with your emotions. To be trapped by another and have no way out. To be a puppet on a string. A marionette. A slave. A "mind controlled" robot.
You can't imagine what it's like to have lived in fear most of your life without understanding why. You can't imagine how I could not have memory of this until decades later. I have explained hypnosis. I have explained trauma and torture. I have explained the "power of the subconscious mind." I have explained the abuser/protector role.
For so many years, I was afraid. Subconsciously afraid that I would come in contact with him again. That I would lose my soul and "free will" again.
After doing so, I know now that there is nothing to fear but fear itself.
I will, at some point, and when I have the time post some of the lyrics I wrote while on HIS site and in altered states of consciousness.
Many times, I was able to incorporate lines/verses from HIS songs into those that I wrote. These I will NOT post.
What those songs demonstrate is how songwriters/musicians/artists can be placed in altered states of consciousness, read other musician's lyrics and speak back to them in song, especially if you are of their world, been used as a sex slave with one or more of them, and been put through the emotional wringer.
I may have also done this in the past and given the lyrics/songs to him. It was said we were speaking to each other through song.
The same applies to men who are controllers/handlers and have sex slaves at their command as referenced above.