It's very difficult for most people to relate to being "mind controlled." It's difficult to explain how trapped one is and unaware that they are not acting of their own free will. To be totally controlled by another person is incomprehensible to most people.
It was incomprehensible to me that I had been a mind control victim when memories surfaced.
How in the world could this happen? How could I have had another life, in a sense, that I didn't remember?
How could this be? Well, it can be and so it was.
Fortunately, GOD gave me strength to fight against it from almost the moment it was perpetrated upon me.
I was not incarcerated directly most of my life, but to a certain degree, I was acting upon triggers within my environment, television, cinema, etc. The effects of their programming were still intact. The effects of their trauma and torture were still causing PTSD symptoms.
I was not "deprogrammed" when I left the "cult," but I feel at this point, I am an individual of my own free will.
"Deprogramming" is a long journey. I began the process of awakening 5-1/2 years ago. I cannot tell you nor could anyone understand the land mines inside of my mind. The hurdles, the barriers, the games, the distress. I wish for enlightenment purposes, a picture could have been taken of what I and others have endured on the road to recovery. For this may be the only way for others to understand how massive the abuse by our government is upon the citizens of not only America, but countries all over the globe.
You are all being used as experiments. As I've said, what they learned in these programs on individuals, they have applied on the massses for decades.
I say this not for pity or sympathy, but for the future of humankind. For an awakening to the corruption that exists of which you are unaware and which will encompass and swallow you one day if you do not HEED the warnings of those who speak.
Back in the day, I constantly said to HIM, "you are not the BOSS of me." Why are you always bossing me around? You act like I'm some kind of a slave and you're my master. You try to control what I say, how I act, what I think. Everything. It's like I'm you and not ME.
I'm what you want me to be. I want to be who I want to be. Not what you want me to be. Maybe I don't want to be in the music industry. Maybe I want to do something else with my life. Maybe I don't like the way you treat me. Did you ever think of that? Or, do you just love yourself too much to think that anyone could find fault with you?
You say certain words to me and I feel strange. I feel different. I see spots in front of my eyes, little darks spots, like I'm changing. I don't feel like myself. I don't like how I feel when I'm around you. I don't like how you make me feel and I don't like how you make me feel guilty when you're the guilty one. I just don't like it. I don't hurt you. You're the one who hurts me.
Why do you do this? You say certain words and then I feel sexy. Do you think I want to have sex that way? Do you think I want to be "programmed" to have sex. Why do you have to have sex all the time? Maybe I don't want to have sex as much as you do. Maybe sex isn't what life is all about. I don't think you know what love is. You think sex is love and love is sex. You don't like anything else about me. You just like me for sex.
Why are you so mean to me, I would ask him. One minute you're nice. The next minute you're mean. I never know who you are from one minute to the next. You change all the time. You're different all the time. I don't want to stay in the "cult" and be this way for the rest of my life. I don't want people controlling me. I despise it.
People who were not directly incarcerated in the "satanic cult" cannot imagine what it's like to be controlled by another person. You cannot imagine what it is like for someone to have power over you, your actions, your state of consciousness, your awareness. You can't imagine what it is like for someone to hold the keys to your BEING. For someone to be able to switch you from one alter to another. For someone to fiddle with your mindset. For someone to play with your emotions. To be trapped by another and have no way out. To be a puppet on a string. A marionette. A slave. A "mind controlled" robot.
You can't imagine what it's like to have lived in fear most of your life without understanding why. You can't imagine how I could not have memory of this until decades later. I have explained hypnosis. I have explained trauma and torture. I have explained the "power of the subconscious mind." I have explained the abuser/protector role.
For so many years, I was afraid. Subconsciously afraid that I would come in contact with him again. That I would lose my soul and "free will" again.
After doing so, I know now that there is nothing to fear but fear itself.