I believe there was an attempt on my life. It was not of my own doing.
Due to the fact that I survived and remembered the "razor blade incident" and who was responsible, I was said to be suicidal and a threat to society. I beleive I was institutionalized and an attempt to torture the memories from my mind was deployed.
Those responsible were and are probably still "mind control" victims and/or a part of the "satanic cult."
It was said that if I did not remain silent about my memories when I was released, there would be a next time and I would not survive. They would make sure of it.
If I did not adhere to the "cover story" that I commited the act, I would never see the outside world again or the "Light of Day."
There may have been a house in our neighborhood that served as a "covert" operation. Illegal drugs were in abundance.
I have memories of it being said that whenever HE brings me home. Whenever I come back, I have needle marks in my arms. She, (my mother) didn't know what I was being injected with, but this speaks to the "getting them and keeping them addicted" for dependence on the "cult" and/or handler.
It was also said, perhaps by my mother, that they were doing the same thing to me that they did to her, and gaslighting existed way back then as well.
It was said that whenever I returned home, she had to nurse me back to health. I couldn't eat, because I had been "programmed" that way, most probably so that I would starve myself to death, but also because food, sleep, water, deprivation can mimic epileptic seizures and this is a memory and the use of smelling saltz.
I was threatened with the poisoning of my food and this, as well, a reason for not wanting to eat during my early years.
I was also programmed to hear "chatter" after eating, and, this, as well, with the hope that I would starve myself to death.
When one is deprived of food and water, there is a chemical and digestive change when food enters the system.
As far as the development of multiple personality disorder and/or schizophrenia, it was said that it was the "dreaded" condition within our family and that THESE DOCTORS were hoping to find a cure. In fact, it was the doctors who created ALL of my medical conditions and used as a guise to silence me, experiment on me, etc.
It was said I was a sickly child.
At present, I have overcome the eating disorder, but it was prevelant while on the musician's website while recalling memories of government abuse which, I'm sure, was not what they desired I do there.
It may have been that I was responding to those from the past with whom I shared intelligence/knowledge about my incarceration.
There were also cigarette burns which were inflicted on my arms and again, it was said that I did this to myself.
The games went on. If I was having memory lapses, it would be said that people saw me here or there. All due to concussions, which they did experiment with in mind control victims and/or due to the fact that I was oxygen deprived at birth.
My family, through an Uncle, had connections to the Mafia and when I inquired of my cousin five years ago as to my memories that surfaced regarding pornography, his answer was that it was possible and that our family has a "dark side."
One must understand that when you are a mind control victim in a "satanic cult" and forced to act upon your handler's commands, your master's instructions and not of your own free will to commit horrible sexual acts, perhaps acts of violence, the SHAME is always placed on the victim.
I am here, now, to tell those of you who are reading my posts, perpetrators or not, that the SHAME does not rest with me. That the shame is your burden and has been cast upon your skin for the atrocities that I and countless others were forced to commit while incarcerated in your HELL!
I was told that I was nothing but a TRAMP. That after leaving the cult, I would have nothing but meaningless sex. I would never find anyone to love me. I would never have a normal life. I would never have children for I would do to them the same that was done to me.
I have PROVEN YOU WRONG!!
I was told that I was a "dirty little girl." I was told that I gave them "the eye." I was told that I gave them the "signal." I was told that I flirted with them. I was told that I was a tease. I was told this, I was told that.
I was told that if I ever married, had children, went public, they would drag my name through the mud, they would humiliate me, embarrass me, show pictures of me. That my husband, my children, my family, my friends would disown me.
Is this what you want, HE/THEY asked?
My response then and now is that I am not responsible for those filthy and disgusting acts for which you forced me to particpate in against my OWN FREE WILL.
I am here to tell you that my husband, my children, my family, my friends love and respect me for who I am and not that which you tried to make of me.
For the record, I am not the INSANE person that you painted in the past or attempt to do so at present.
There are those in my life who can attest to that.